Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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