after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He better not be in your backpack
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
