And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
