you win again, gameday.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
