He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
