my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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