he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
