I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
