I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
