If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
