Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
