No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he puts the penis in happiness.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
