if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize