gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
