I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
