what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just forgot I was standing up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
