I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My dick has a subreddit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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