I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
