Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
