You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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