We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
