I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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