five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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