between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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