I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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