can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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