Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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