I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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