My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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