I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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