And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize