I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
