I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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