So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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