Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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