People in love make me want to vomit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
