seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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