My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
