just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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