i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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