As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
