Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
