i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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