Having a random hookup so left but love u
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize