I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
