We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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