Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
