I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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