I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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