Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize