I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
