Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
