go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
