There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
