so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
