last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize