I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
