I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pooping to opera.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
