wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
