Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
