she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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