There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
