Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
