if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
