My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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