I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
