You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
