It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I will be naked everywhere
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
