Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
