Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize