Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
