You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
