my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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