Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Buhtt sex?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
