I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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