i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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