Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
