Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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