You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
