My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize