It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
