I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
