she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
