sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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