She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
