There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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