I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
