My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do herpes really smell.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
