I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Randomize