he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
