dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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