i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
