What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
