you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
