I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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