I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You took a bar mat shot.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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