are you so shy because you have an std?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
