We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
