I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
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