I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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